Good Intentions

Well we didn’t make it to church on Sunday, I really had good intentions of getting the entire crew their however a few little barriers stepped in the way.
First, Brodie stayed Saturday night with my mom (he normally stays at least one night on the weekend with her), and she had mentioned that evening before they headed out that she wasn’t feeling great, so about 6:15am on Sunday morning I heard my phone ringing in the kitchen, knowing that it was her I didn’t get to excited about getting out of bed to run out to the kitchen to answer it, I figured she was just calling to make sure we were up and getting ready and that nothing had changed.  However, when I finally did get to my phone and call her back I could tell by her voice she wasn’t calling to give me a hard time about having to get up early she was calling to tell me she was not feeling well at all.  She said she had been up a good part of the night and needed one of us to come and get Brodie because she wasn’t going to make it to church. 
The second barrier was by the time we got up and around and Kyle headed over to pickup Brodie I knew there was no way we were going to make it to the 8:30am service, so I was shooting for the 11am service although I have to admit I was not thrilled about attending the late service.
To be honest I cannot figure out how anyone can go to service that late in the morning, it is in such an awkward part of the day, at least for those in my house. 
It falls at the crazy melt down time in between snack time, play time, lunch time and right when the boys seem to hit their morning wall of being able to tolerate anything, to put this in laymen’s terms the boys are so ready to eat lunch and go down for nap at this time I cannot imagine trying to take them to church service where I expect them to: 
1.sit quietly
2. Go to the nursery where they know none of the nursery workers and 
3. Behave as if they don’t need a nap.
It would be horrible for every single person involved including those who would have to witness it, and would end in Kyle and I having to deal with the boys under circumstances that they have no control over and that just wouldn’t be fun, fair or good for any of us and it would definitely put a huge damper on any future attempts on church that we might try. 
So I figured we were better off trying next weekend, so what did we do? Yep loaded the kids up and went to Home Depot to look at fencing and them to lunch….I am not sure how I feel about all of this now that I have confessed it to everyone.
What I do know is that I feel the tug at my heart and the twinge of guilty every time I see Brodie’s certificate of baptism on his wall, knowing that we got Brodie baptized when he was just a bit over 6months and here Keaton is going on 14months and we can’t even make it to church makes me feel horrible.
I am not trying to blame it on anything or anyone other than Kyle and I, it is just very difficult for us because we have a love/dislike (couldn’t bring myself to use the word hate) with our church.  We love it because it has lots of great memories, we attended our first church service together at the church, we were married in the church, and Brodie was baptized there.  We dislike not the church but the limited options it has for our family, in particular the boys.  As I said in the previous post, the options are limited at the early morning service, which is of course the service we prefer, they do not offer a children’s program which means Brodie has to sit with us during the entire service and that is hard for a 4yr old to do, the nursery rarely has any other children in it and we have gone so infrequently that Keaton goes into meltdown the second we walk in and he realizes we are leaving him.  I wish they offered so many different things…. but mainly more options at the earlier service.
I am stuck in a very hard spot, I love the Methodist faith and all the beliefs that go along with it, they are the church of the open door and open mind and that for me is so very important.  I want my children to be raised in a church that holds no bias against anyone and that will continue to welcome them no matter the road they take in life and without any bias based on any lifestyle choices they may have.  It is very hard to find a faith that seems to be willing to say with complete honesty that they welcome everyone, I am not saying that the Methodist faith is the only faith that offers this open door type of welcoming however I am so uninformed and unsure about other faiths that it makes it that much harder for me to even fathom the thought of leaving.
Does anyone else struggle with his or her faith as much as I do?
There is one other Methodist church in town that offers a later service however in looking at their website I cannot tell if they offer many options for children.  
In typing all of this out and putting it on paper and reading through it I am still just and confused and concerned as I was Sunday afternoon.
I am not sure what to do; maybe I am making this harder than it needs to be.

Until next time…..


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